I saw a post by Michell Clark, author and entrepreneur, that said, “I think I just articulated something
that I’ve been trying to get out for years – just now I was telling a friend about what I’ve been going through, and he said, “but I ain’t worried about you. You got this.” I paused and said, “…worry about me a little bit.” His post went on to say, “I am historically bad at verbalizing my overwhelm and pain, so it felt really freeing to reject the “strong” friend label and be real about needing more support.
I FELT deeply what he was saying. When I think about when I did allow myself to be vulnerable and express my struggles or challenges, the few people I shared with all responded with something like, oh I know you’re going to be fine, it’s just a matter of time, something good is on the way, etc. Those comments were similar to Michell’s friend saying, but I ain’t worried about you, you got this.” I get
that people mean well when they say those things, but it doesn’t help the person on the receiving end. It’s why a lot of people who are labeled as strong go into isolation, experience depression, anxiety, etc.
So, how can friends show support when someone is vulnerable and shares what they are going
through? Here are a few tips:
- Listen Actively: Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply listen. Don’t interrupt or try to solve their problems immediately. Just be present and let them express their feelings.
- Acknowledge Their Feelings: Validate their emotions by acknowledging what they are feeling. Saying something like, "That sounds really tough," or "I can see why you feel that way," can go a long way in making someone feel heard and understood.
- Offer Practical Help: Instead of generic reassurances, offer specific help. Ask if there’s something tangible you can do to assist them. Whether it’s helping with chores, running errands, or just spending time together, concrete offers of help can be more supportive.
- Check In Regularly: Make it a point to check in on them regularly. A simple text or call to ask how they’re doing shows that you care and are thinking about them.
- Encourage Professional Help: If you notice that a friend is struggling significantly, gently encourage them to seek professional help Sometimes, talking to a therapist or counselor can provide the support they need.
- Be Patient and Understanding: Understand that everyone copes differently and at their own pace. Be patient with your friend and avoid pushing them to feel better quickly.
- Share Your Own Vulnerabilities: Sometimes, sharing your own struggles and how you cope can make your friend feel less alone. It shows that it’s okay to have difficulties and that they don’t have to be strong all the time.
- Respect Their Boundaries: Respect their need for space if they ask for it. Let them know you are there for them whenever they are ready to talk or need support.
By being more mindful and supportive, we can help our friends feel less isolated and more understood. It's not about solving their problems for them but being there as a reliable source of support. So next time a friend opens up to you, remember to listen, acknowledge, and offer your presence and help. Sometimes, just knowing that someone truly cares can make all the difference.
I’m Nicole L.Turner, your mindset coach, helping you shift the way you think so you can change the way you live. If you’re in need of a mindset coach, you can reach me at https://www.detoxforyourlife.com/